I just took some time to read my old posts. An interesting look at who I am and where the last few years have taken me. I have learned a lot in these past few years and I find that exciting because I didn't realize it until I looked back at this blog.
One thing I do believe is the yoga will help me in many ways. It certainly will help with the mental battles I have. I know that for a fact. It will help with my physicality. It will help in the way I think about myself, and others for that matter.
Another thing I have learned is the reason for eating. I wrote previously about my urge to eat popcorn while watching movies. Eating mindlessly is a distraction from experiencing feelings. When a person is busy eating, they aren't feeling. However, when the eating is done the feelings are still there and also other feelings of disappointment in self, anger at self, and sadness. It's not just eating that people use for distraction. People use shopping, smoking, alcohol, drugs, video games, internet, and many other things to avoid feelings. I am learning to be willing to sit and feel. If I have anxiety, for example, food is not the proper response to anxiety. Soothing is. Perhaps a hot bath. Quiet music. Bikram yoga. Or the best, sitting and experiencing the feeling. Learning how to feel without trying to fix it.
It's not easy. But I would rather learn this way than be on the diet roller coaster which has cost me ten's of thousands of dollars. Sad thing is, I began dieting when I really wasn't even overweight.
I need my yoga. It will be my sanity through my learning process. I want to be dedicated to the point it is automatic to show up at that studio each day. I will get there. I will.
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